February 2015

chaff rising

Day 10. Hammering through my days, I usually forget that if I pause long enough to breathe and recover, superb opportunities, ideas, and energy rises to the surface. This past four days has been no different. This 28 day journey of trying to take extra care of myself to bump out of a dried-up, winter funk has proven to be a cornucopia of abundance.

Swimming, souping, chiving

Day 14. A longer than usual swim this morning set me up well for a very focused 7 hours of homework. Twice walking outside today, I caught my breath with icy air. The sun was deceiving, it is freezing and I keep calling my family to say I don't remember any winter as cold here in VT growing up. My mom keeps reminding me that, this winter is unusual, "don't worry honey, the next one won't be like this."

Day 15

What a supportive week this was, I asked for help every chance I could. Informing my supervisor that I am feeling a significant amount of stress, sharing with the team I supervise that I am experiencing stress, and sharing with my loved ones the same allowed me freedom.

Day 20

A rousing game of Pictionary last night with the family was just what the doctor ordered. I love board games, and deep in a place in my heart that I don't often allow myself to acknowledge, I know that board games are no longer cool. But neither are hand made wool socks, listening to Cyndi Lauper at full blown woofers and tweeters, writing letters and sending them by snail mail, or being nervous every single time I post something on the internet.

Day 21

This week was very informative as it was nearly impossible to find opportunities to take better care of myself. It is apparent now that I have gone through the last months thinking to myself during the week, "I will take care of XYZ on the weekend, I will do XYZ for myself on the weekend, I will get to XYZ on the weekend." I am wondering if this type of thinking is exactly how I came to be fatigued, run down, and uncomfortable and realized 7 days ago that it was time to make some changes.

Day 24

Now I understand why I don't write blogs during the work week. My mind is mush, my energy level is grossly subpar, and my self-care opportunities are slim to none. Working 12-14 hour days yesterday and today has left me spent. I discovered very few opportunities to provide extra self-care to myself but I did find two small chances.

Day 26

Returning to work made it difficult to successfully complete day 26 in my mission to take extra good care of myself. There were only two opportunities that I could find, and each was fleeting. The first came late this afternoon when I realized that I was fatigued before I began a meeting I was required to facilitate. I decided to take the extra couple minutes to make another jar of green tea, it put me a couple minutes behind in starting the meeting (I despise being late) but it was wonderful to sip while we moved through the agenda.

Day 27

Waking up struck by a desire to be alone, I paused and realized it is day 27, I am trying to go above and beyond my usual attempt to care for myself. It has always been a hard pill for those who love me most to recognize that I am an introvert, and yet it has always been clear to me.

28 day fixer upper

This time of year is always the hardest for me; I get antsy, am more easily frustrated, desire more instant gratification, and am generally less interested in being around others. My heart freezes, I want to quit my job, I have difficulty getting on the yoga mat, and I say no to hanging out with friends. Dunkin' donuts starts screaming my name. The fuzzy static on NPR when I drive into a dead zone makes me want to rip my hair out. My weekly toe polishing goes from hot pink to dark burgundy. I have to drag myself to women's group.