In so many moments recently I have had to confront my profound desire to grasp, clutch, hold, and cling to those that I love. There have been clients that wandered away, loved ones that will not come close, and friends that I can't seem to land. Loving others is, at times, just a lesson in allowing space between ourselves and someone we desperately want to be close to. Relationships involve understanding that others' timing is not our own, that another's availability is not determined by ours, and that someone else's need for space often is not governed by our need for intimacy.
Growing up forced to succumb to another's level of closeness has made me have to intentionally and purposefully realize that I have no say in someone else's readiness to attach. It wasn't until I was sixteen years old that I decided I would no longer be rejected when I needed comfort or forced to open up when I needed privacy. It was when I was sixteen that I began the process of understanding that me in relationship meant tolerating another's actions in relationship even if it was not what I desired, expected, craved, or needed.
It has grown increasingly easier to allow another person to be themselves as I have supported more and more of myself in relationship. People come and go from my day, my week, my year and my life and I affirm that they will return or not but that takes nothing away from the moments we shared.
I still stand and wait for those that have left to come back to me. When they return, I am so relieved. But while they are away, I do not spend time wishing and hoping that they will return to our relationship. In my heart I understand that everyone needs different space, all people must be themselves, and the freedom to choose is what makes a relationship so sweet, it is two people choosing the same action at the same time.
Those of you that have stepped away, I love you now and will love you when you return and I am allowing you your space while honoring the closeness we had.