He's not here

With several major life milestones approaching in the next few months, there is one person that is constantly on my mind. I am dreaming about him, I am seeing him walk by, I am wondering whether any of these significant life elements would be present if he were here. On this Father's Day, just like every other one, I look around and feel deeply for those father friends and family that are raising their kids and I am drawn straight back to the man that made me.

Each Father's Day, I like to dwell on the qualities that I inherited directly from him. The thick and short chubbiness of my fingers and my barrel torso, from him. My eyes that change from green to brown depending on the day, from him. The work ethic that drives me to work tirelessly, his. The conscience decision not to complain about misfortune, the salt of the Earth simple mentality, the introversion, all from him.

Each year it amazes me that even though the pain decreases over the first few years after a loss, it is ever present following. Each and every day I miss him, but on Father's Day, I have an opportunity to remember what a nearly flawless person he was and how much everyone loved him. Not only do I remember how grateful I am to have been his daughter but also to have lost him so early, leaving me with a deep understanding of how precious the moments of life are.

On this Father's Day, I am sitting in wonder at how impactful fathers can be on their children. Being in the business of re-parenting those that never had enough love and care from their Father's reminds me daily that having children is certainly the largest responsibility that any of us could enter into and when avoided causes the largest pain we could ever experience. To those Fathers that help to grow all of the loving and healthy children in our world, thank you. To my dad, thank you and as always, I miss you so.