When I first entered into the yoga world, there was a distinct sense that others around me believed that we can manifest our desires. This mentality flew directly in the face of the good country, salt-of-the-earth farm raising I experienced growing up. My father instilled in me that hard work is the end all and be all and nothing shows up for any of us that has not been toiled over. In yoga class, however, there was a great many discussions about living with intention, setting a purpose, and manifesting our strongest desires.
Re-visiting Los Angeles this past week to conduct some trainings with a group of people I was truly humbled by, looking around my world, I missed my home. Vermont has become my home, not only because it is a beautiful and bountiful place to be, filled with strong and loving people, but also because it has produced for me all that I have been searching for in so many other places. The job I have always dreamed of is mine, the love I have desired has shown up in full glory, my friends and family are near me, the opportunities to teach, consult, and speak have surfaced to a degree I only wished for. I can see my future unfolding, I feel my feet deeply rooted into the Earth, I understand that I am settling and growing from that grounding. Deeply attached to this fruitful state, I catch myself wondering, did I create this dream by preparing and then manifesting?
The flip side to that of course is that should this life be a manifestation of my dreams, then how do I swallow and digest those around me that do not have the life they desire. There was a very brave soul in my training this past week who took a deep breath and spoke up. She said what weighs heavy on her mind as a psychologist that works with those that have nothing, she is reminded everyday of what she has and feels guilty. I do also. Sometimes my nightmares are defined by those that I work with that have nothing. Sometimes when I am taking care of myself, I feel indulgent or extravagant. I know exactly where she is coming from. Why do some of us have much and others have little?
On the phone today with another new friend, she said to me, no self-care is selfish, it is the tool we use to take care of our instrument by which we help others. She also reframed when I mentioned that I hope that I manifested this new friendship between the two of us, that her belief is that it is a combination of manifestation and preparation to accept that brings opportunity. I have not completely understood whether I manifested these gifts that surround me, or it is because of hard work, or if I am a lucky person. However, regardless of the reason, I am deeply grateful and in receiving each day, in return I try to give back.
A huge blessing occurred last week, where I observed a very brave young man explain that he is grateful that he is detained in a locked facility. That is a significant and profound statement for an adolescent male who has spent his teenage years running away. This is a big life to live and I am thankful for my gifts of love and life, tonight I am especially grateful. For now, I continue to set my intention and continually try to prepare to accept. And truthfully, that is the best part of my job, I have the honor of witnessing others do the same.